“Goodbye” became “Thank You”

As our final night in this house we have called home for nearly 6 years winds down…I have to say this doesn’t feel at all how I pictured it would.

I thought I would want to talk about the “goodbye”s I have longed to speak out loud…

“Goodbye” to the lefthand side of this love seat where I writhed in agony for 6 long weeks while the liver abscess inside of my pregnant body grew to over 7 cm. The jail I tried to rise from in the middle of the long nights over & over, but failed while lightning bolts of muscle spasms tore through my torso repeatedly if I dared move.
“Goodbye” to the closet that served as home to the torturous filing box of frightening specialist prognoses I had to keep for years…all the while praying our Bug could just please be blessed with a long, healthy, happy life instead of facing any of the options that Pandora’s Box held inside.
“Goodbye” to the note pasted to the side of the fridge in case 8 year old Cody had to call 9-1-1 because his mommy kept losing too much blood while her body still struggled to recover from multiple other threatening conditions.
“Goodbye” to the bedroom where we almost lost our baby girls’ life at 2 weeks old. Where I felt her stop breathing on my chest at 5 AM, where I came close to losing my sanity as she went from pink to red towards purple.

“Goodbye” and “good riddance” to so many more painful memories that it hurts my brain to even entertain recounting them all.

But it’s the strangest thing….I don’t want to say any of that anymore….

Because all I can feel right now is gratitude.

And all I have to say this house is “Thank You”

“Thank You” for giving me a warm, comfortable living room with a love seat to situate myself in while I successfully battled through that liver abscess for my life, and the life of our sweet, strong Lydia.
“Thank You” for the safe storage closet that housed the box containing all of the clues that led to the joyous revelation this November 2021 that my sweet Bug will never have to face a single one of the scary options afterall.
“Thank You” for the kitchen that held the 9-1-1 directions that Cody never had to use, because his mommy was blessed enough to get better.
And most of all, “Thank You” to this master bedroom where my strong baby girls’ body did face the worst, but fought through, and is now snuggled up with her big brothers 4 years later.

“Thank You” to this house that kept us all safe during our most terrifying, darkest times so that we could rise up, and go on to a new horizon.

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